Okay, well there is a whole lot of back story here. Not to excited about sharing all my situations and bad choices, but itll all make sense.
It all started when…
Actually no not all of it, but enough of it lol
Enough of it started when…
About 4 years ago, my oldest son’s father and I were living together. Not dating, or…anything friskier lol, just platonically living together. We liked the fact that we could both be there for Shorty all the time, instead of living seperately and having a visitation schedule. I realize it may sound crazy. And it definately had its ups and downs, but K and I got along well enough to make everything copesetic. I was working, going to school, and doin everything I could to make more for my Shorty and his happiness.
Then I met W. I dont remember much about the fall, but I know I fell hard. He was amazing, and great with Shorty, and at the time, he was exactly what I needed. Before I knew it we were signing the lease on our first house, and I couldnt be happier. One week after we moved in, we celebrated my birthday out with friends and had a wonderful time, but I like felt something was off. The next morning while making breakfast in the kitchen at work, I pulled out a nice hot tray of delicious bacon (one of my very favorite things in the world) and as the (usually) delicious aroma wafted up my nose, my stomach instantly turned and I threw up. An hour later, I was holding a positive pregnancy test in my hands, freaking the heck out!
After work, I grabbed another box of tests (as I had only gotten the one earlier) and came home, (thankfully before W got there) ready to take the rest. All three positive. I went and sat on the couch, my head spinning, trying to process. Then W came home and asked me what was wrong. I remember looking up at him and feeling the tears instantly welling up in my eyes again, “im pregnant”
He dropped down next to me, wrapped his arms around me and said “we’ll figure this out baby, its going to be okay”
A few days later, after the inital shock, it seemed we had both settled into the happiness of our happy little family. He did all the cute things, like massages, and bring home my cravings without me asking, among other things. And of course I was a crazy hormonal pregnant woman making life difficult, but we made it through that ever lasting 9 months and came home from the hospital with our wonderful chunky little Hammy.
And then, home life got a whole lot more stressful, as it does with a newborn around. But after about 4 months, we broke.
Thus begun the worst and craziest year and a half of my life.
On August 7th, W told me that he hadnt been in love with me since before I got pregnant, that he had been trying to figure out how to tell me when I had come home with the news. He said it wasnt worth working out, the feelings just werent there. So after a lot of crying and fighting and pleading, I packed up clothes for the boys and I and left.
We stayed with a friend down the road for a while, but then after a couple of months, and a whole lot of stress with their personal home life, I decided it would be better for everyone if the boys and I went somewhere else.
And thats when K offered to take in both the boys and myself, and I greatfully accepted.
Shortly after that K simultaniously lost his job and his truck, taking us down to one paycheck and one vehicle. So I started working 15 hour days 6 days a week to make ends meet.
Im a waitress, by the way.
Oh and on my way to work one day i wrecked my vehicle, leaving us with zero.
Needless to say, ends were not being met, but cutting out extras, and me continuing to bust my butt, and some occational help from an angel here and there, we were doing okay.
And I was healing. I hadnt let go of W, but I was realizing that I was going to be just fine without him.
Then, about a week before christmas, he said those three words I thought I had needed for so long.
“I miss you”
He sent my head spinning. But the following speech made me remember what it felt like to be happy with him. So I gave it a spin. We had a great christmas with the kids and a quiet new years eve at what used to be our house and it was nice for a while, but the heartbreak memories found me in every corner of that house and I freaked out (naturally lol)
Its now January again. Hes spent a year trying to get me back. Not like avidly trying, because I kept catching him trying to talk to other girls, detering me back every time. Im not really sure how I feel…or what to do about it…
Lastly but not leastly (lol)
In July of this past year, K and W and I decided we wanted to get away from home, and give the kids a brighter future. So I did some research, and we decided to go scout out Colorado. Before returning home we had all unanimously agreed to move the family there.
Its now 6 months later, the departure date growing steadily closer and closer. Im running out of time, money, and most of the will I have to keep going. W hasnt told his parents, K still doesnt have a job, I still dont have a vehicle, and it feels like everything is crumbling. But im determined to make this change for my kids. No matter what it takes.